I realize why I want you.
It’s because I want to be a Father.
My stomach tightened when you kissed me and I began to feel sick.
I had never felt that before,
and in that moment I contemplated the idea of it being love.
You came in the morning sometime after 8:00 am
and you left well before noon, because none of your other yoga classes ever lasted that long.
You spoke to me like no one else.
Thinking about it now makes my stomach turn more.
Because it was you who named me.
It was in that moment I knew I wanted to be a Father.
And when I tasted the sweet milk that dripped from your breast,
I began to drink, as if from a fountain.
I sucked hard on your nipples to quench my thirst.
And it was there in the backseat that I realized I needed a Mother.
I was a Father and a Child in your arms and I wanted to stay there
but it was always time for you to go.
Before you said goodbye,
you were laying on the bed pointing to your belly button to show me how deep my cock was inside you.
And I know it.
Because you sat on it and took it whole,
right after you told me not to be nervous.
You were on top of me
I was on my back
and you said what I had been thinking.
You held down my chest and told me to cum inside you
And I did.
I came hard, deep inside your gut
And it was then that I learned about the nature of Man
Because for every inch of me in you, the less I cared about your living situation.
I woke up this morning
Curled in the fetal position.
My stomach felt a tinge of uneasiness.
I began to stretch my Arms
in attempt to lay erect,
And I knocked over the ashtray at the head of my bed.
I was going to lay here,
But I guess I should clean this shit up now.
The acknowledgment of this truth
Was enough to make to make me
At the top of my lungs.
I stripped my sheets and pillow cases
I could feel it coming
And I began to whimper.
Red drops fell
And after each one
I cried a little more,
A little harder.
The blood is at my ankles now,
Hysterically sobbing in the shower
Since you moved out
there’s a past due water bill.
I can’t shower without paying for your shit.
I spilled the polish.
I didn’t spill it, I poured it. I let it flow through my hands. Through the space in between my fingers dripping on the wooden floor.
I smashed it.
The glass shattered against the the white walls. Blood staining. Curving on the bathroom floor mat, hardening thick. It is amazing. It is beautiful.
I placed the candles in the center.
One melted by fire.
One horizontally cut through the middle, slightly slanted. Resting halves on top of another, but off-kilter.
The third, rose petal pink, left in its original condition but lying on its side next to the others. And a thumbprint of blood is smudged on its surface.
It was everything and all in that moment. The power, blissful.
In Time I lifted the shards.
The candles are back in place. Put in mosaic holders and off to burn.
I got on my knees and I scrubbed the blood. Forward then backward, with intent. My muscles tightened and my hand cramped. It stuck to me as it washed away.
I washed it all away.
But then you noticed splatter on the walls hiding behind the Black cords on the floor. And the smell of it all, is left floating in the air.
I Can Never
I love my girlfriend
I swear I do.
But I love myself
And lovin’ you too.
I slept with my penis last night
since I decided to become a Man
it was my first time
I reached over to the side of my bed and grabbed Myself
gripped in my hands I laid on my stomach.
I also grabbed the plastic box I live in
I needed the lube inside
I thought I should get to know myself better.
I turned to my laptop, clicked private browsing, and did an internet search.
I watched as two white. males. sucked and fucked each other.
I held myself upright between my thighs and began to stroke.
I learned early on that without pussy things get a little dry.
but I came anyway
and I lay there content
Still firm in my hand
then I closed my eyes.
I Love how the hair on your arm
spreads to your hand.
Your Chest is my pillow
You never make me feel less than